5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

5 Love languages that are important for your relationship:

What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage: The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller! Words of Affirmation—Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Assessments

retrieved from http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

10 Best and Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief

Keep in mind, context, timing and who is saying them is everything!

The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

* At least he lived a long life, many people die young
* He is in a better place
* She brought this on herself
* There is a reason for everything
* Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now
* You can have another child still
* He was such a good person
* God wanted him to be with him
* I know how you feel
* He did what he came here to do and it was his time to go
* Be strong

The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

* I am so sorry for your loss.
* I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
* I don’t know how you feel, but I am here If can help in anyway.
* You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
* My favorite memory of your loved one is...
* I am always just a phone call away
* Give a hug instead of saying something
* We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
* I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
* Saying nothing, just be with the person

Many of us have said "The Best" and "The Worst." We meant no harm, in fact the opposite. We were trying to comfort. A grieving person may say one of the worst ones about themselves and it’s ok. It may make sense for a member of the clergy to say, "He is in a better place" when someone comes to them for guidance. Where as an acquaintance saying it may not feel good.

Here are some of the traits that make the best, "The Best" and the worst, "The Worst".

Traits of the Worst Ones

* They want to fix the loss
* They are about our discomfort
* They are directive in nature
* They rationalize or try to explain, loss
* They may be judgmental
* Not about griever
* May minimize the loss
* Put a time line on loss

Traits of the Best Ones

* Supportive, but not trying to fix it
* About feelings
* Non active, not telling anyone what to do
* Admitting can’t make it better
* Not asking for something or someone to change feelings
* Recognize loss
* Not time limited

By Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler
On Grief and Grieving, Simon & Shuster
grief.com